Unpopular opinion: I need my husband
Over the years, it has become more and more acceptable for women to say “I don’t need a man, but I want one.” It is typically in conversations about how independent and self-reliant women of this time are. It’s to be celebrated, for sure, and it also causes me some concern. I am not worried that people who say these things are missing anything in their lives, but I do wonder how younger people adopt and use similar sentiments without the context or background to know how to properly apply them.
If I were still in my early 20s surrounded by coupled or single ladies who do not need their partners, I’d probably want the same. I’d live as though life goes on whether or not he’s around or available for me. But now that I am where I am and know what I know, I can’t, in good faith, say that I don’t need my husband. Yes, I want him, and I also need him. In fact, I am writing this because he has been out of town for the week, and I felt his absence every single day.
Why do I need this man, you wonder? It’s pretty simple. For the last 14 years, we have built a life together that requires both of us to maintain. We have children to care for, which is quite an emotional and physical commitment. The weight of parenthood is guaranteed to be lighter for me when he’s around. He’s my partner in every sense of the word, so when he’s not here, I am carrying much more than I do when he is. I need him because he is a critical part of this system that we operate together. Not to mention our children usually prefer his cooking over mine. :)
Besides his involvement in our every day lives, a huge portion of my overall peace is tied to his presence. I know. True peace and happiness come from within. I know it. I believe it. I teach it to our growing younger humans. Yet, I feel better when he’s with me. I don’t need him in order for me to feel joy or live happily, but when he’s here, my cup runneth over. I have become accustomed to the companionship that he offers and the 2am laughing fits he often brings. Our lives have been conjoined for so long that what I feel in his absence is not mere want. It is much stronger, something far beyond my desire to live this independent woman dream that I keep hearing about.
Beyond my own relationship, I strongly believe humans in general have a need for one another in a way that seems to be downplayed all too often. We are relational beings who need community to thrive. In the wise words of Ecclesiastes 4:9:10, “we were created to need companionship and we do better when we have someone to love, serve with, have fun with, and live life with.” I am yet to meet anyone who is thriving all alone, and I truly hope no one believes it’s possible. The connection to family or friends is an important piece of humanity, one that cannot be replaced by anything else in the world.
If you find that you, too, need your partner, you’re not alone. Life’s challenges are tough and require a team to keep pushing through. For me, my best team is the one I have built with my guy. This whole life thing simply doesn’t work the same without him, and I am grateful that it often doesn’t have to for long.
