Marriage during social distancing series

Is there someone in your life who always gets the worse of you when you’re going through a hard time? I am willing to bet that someone is your spouse or partner. The person who is closest to you is likely to be the one who sees you at your worst. So, what happens to your relationship when your worst lasts a really long time with no end in sight? How do you stay sane and not drive the other person crazy?

I’ll tell you how. You laugh. Laugh together like your marriage depends on it. If we are being totally honest, it does a little. Laugh at the jokes the people in your house are sharing. Laugh at all the memes and tik tok videos of people doing their best to keep themselves entertained in their own homes. If you think you have nothing to make you laugh, I will be happy to share a good joke or two.

While you’re at it, remember that your person is also going through this. No one is to blame for the dishes that are still in the sink. If you don’t want to wash them, leave them until you want to or figure out how to ask someone else nicely. Just don’t ask every day. You have hands, too. Also, don’t blame yourself for the things that go wrong. Grace yourself, your spouse, and children if you have them. Whenever you feel the urge to tell your partner how wrong she or he is for something that has upset you, center yourself into the kind, loving position you should be speaking from. Yelling or being cruel will not solve any problems.

Speaking of problems, being in close quarters for a long time will highlight a few. They were probably always there, but now you don’t have an office building to hide in all day, five days a week. Use this time together to resolve them if they are not beyond repair. What you might think is clarity causing you to want your marriage to end might just be frustration from being stuck in one place for too long. Do yourself a favor to not rush to any conclusions during this time. Once you’re back in control of some aspects of your life, you might realize that your spouse is not so bad after all. Just the same imperfect good person you married.

Give yourself and your spouse some distance here and there. Just because you’re both home doesn’t mean you need to be all over each other at all times. If this is how you roll, then so be it. But if you know you live with a person who likes some alone time every once in a while, make it happen and don’t complain about it. No one is here to entertain anyone 24/7 during this crazy time. Know thy boundaries.

And when the time is right, hug and love on each other like there is no tomorrow. Nothing reminds you that someone cares like a nice long hug. While hugging, remind each other that you’re in this together. Do this at other times, too. One of my favorite reminders is a nice cup of tea set next to me while I work or watch a mindless show. My husband doesn’t always see it, but I am smiling for a long time after little gestures like that.

Social distancing has been an insane ride so far. The pressures of working at home with family or losing employment are not helping the situation. Many of us are being tested like we have never been before. The goal during this period is to survive intact. I will check in next time to share some ways in which we are managing strange time. Until then, stay sane and married.

xoxo