It’s such a harmful concept. Anywhere you go, you will find that division serves no one. “Us vs. them” only creates unnecessary space between people who could otherwise be building something great together. Societies all over foster the “us vs. them” mentality in different ways. One of the most bothersome ways I continue to come across is the lack of interest in learning how to properly identify someone, especially if said person looks too different from you. So many chances to create positive exchanges are missed. Customer - service provider. Student - teacher. Student - student. Young person - older person. So, you will understand if I have no tolerance for people who use differences to close doors of communication with others.
I recently took our car to a local place for service. Shortly after I walked into the waiting area, a representative came in and called out a name. « Kooebo ». When no one responded, she walked out of the room. Soon after, I received a phone call. The person on the other end of the call identified herself and asked me to come out to see her. I walked past a few reps and went outside. When no one outside knew what was going on, I went back towards the waiting area past the reps seated in a welcome area. One of them called out « Kooebo? » The look on her face led me to believe she’s probably talking to me. It was a look of judgement - like « how can she not know I am the one who’s looking for her? » Complete with an eye roll and a shaking head.
Before I sat in a chair across from this woman, I repeated « Kooebo? » I pronunced my name for her the way it should be, and she proceed to give the look of superiority. You probably know that look, though I hope you don’t. She said « I am bad with names » as if that’s a valid reason. Bad with names or not, there is no way you get Kooebo out of Kubwayo if you’re making even the smallest effort.
I am usually very good at self-restraint, but I am afraid I failed at it today. It is one thing to mispronounce a name. It’s another to try and make the person feel bad about themselves because you didn’t even want to try. I have accepted that trying to make people feel better about their lack of care doesn’t help anyone. Normally, I would have brushed it off and said something like “Don’t worry about it.” But I want her to worry about it. Her name does not get the privilege to be pronounced correctly while mine is butchered into something that doesn’t even resemble it. This person, whose actual job is to serve people from all walks of life, does not get to seat at her desk and believe that her “easy” name gives her the right to look down upon someone else for any reason whatsoever. Small acts like this, when left unchecked, can easily snowball into a bad place for anyone who seems to fit into the “other” category.
The conversation ended with me admitting that my name IS different for HERE. I wanted her to know that her “normal” name is not so everywhere. That being open to trying or even just learning how to say someone’s name correctly matters. I am proud of my name. Every piece of it. I don’t want to ever respond to “Kooebo” or anything like it. Kubwayo means “by God’s Grace” and has been a theme of my life even before I adopted it through marriage. I will take the people who call me out of waiting rooms by spelling it over those who make up their own versions of it. At least then, I can walk proudly towards the person and start a conversation about the correct way to say the name before we proceed to business. No eyerolls necessary.